118th CONGRESS

1st Session

 

 

 

H. RES. 69

Allowing U.S. Military to engage in masturbation and/or consensual, situational homosexuality in a free, safe, non-judgmental space that is not dishonorable, nor violative and is not prohibited by any federal law, U.S. Department of Defense policy and U.S. Armed Forces protocol, to wit: 

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IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES OF THE UNITED STATES

 

January 9, 2023

 

Sponsored & Introduced By: Rep. Ian A. Medina (D-FL), Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) & Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) 

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RESOLUTION

Allowing U.S. Military to engage in masturbation and/or consensual, situational homosexuality in a free, safe, non-judgmental space that is not dishonorable, nor violative and is not prohibited by any federal law, U.S. Department of Defense policy and U.S. Armed Forces protocol, to wit: 

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WHEREAS, allowing U.S. Military to masturbate and engage in consensual, situational homosexuality will reduce tension and give pleasure to our freedom fighters; and

   

WHEREAS, our freedom fighters will have a sense of well-being and satisfaction at training and/or the battle field if they are given the freedom to masturbate and/or engage in consensual situational homosexuality; and

   

WHEREAS, deprivation of sex and/or masturbation frustrates men and our freedom fighters deserve to be free from frustration in their fight for our freedom and democracy; and

 

WHEREAS, it is absurd that our freedom fighters are risking their lives and fighting for our freedom and American civil liberties to have sex with whomever we want at home and to masturbate freely, but we are paying them with our left hand by stripping our freedom fighters’ freedom to masturbate and/or engage in situational, consensual homosexuality; and

    

WHEREAS, there is no rational and/or legal basis for prohibiting the U.S. Military from masturbating and/or engaging in consensual, situational homosexuality. Humans are inherently sexual beings that deserve to engage in sexual activities after sexual arousal that gives gratification to our freedom fighters. Moreover, allowing masturbation and/or consensual, situational homosexuality will give our freedom fighters a sense of togetherness and oneness that will encourage them to defend and protect each other after sharing moments of intimacy in the U.S. Military; and

    

WHEREAS, the U.S. Military is a safe space for masturbation and consensual, situational homosexuality to allow our freedom fighters to enjoy themselves and each other with something to look forward to at night after long days in training and/or in battle will make a difference in reaching optimal cognitive and/or combat performance results; and

     

WHEREAS, there is no moral turpitude in masturbation and/or situational, consensual homosexuality in the U.S. Military because sexual impulses are a natural and organic behavior of the human condition that should not be wrongfully characterized as dishonorable; and

    

WHEREAS, the U.S. Military deserves to be allowed to make love to each other in a truly free country that does not usurp and cold-handedly strip our freedom fighters of the very same American civil liberties that they are fighting for us to enjoy at home in engaging in consensual, situational homosexuality and/or masturbation. 

 

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, THAT THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES—

 

Section 000. Legislative Authority

 

This legislation is made pursuant to the Necessary and Proper Clause of the Constitution of the United States, which reads: “The Congress  shall have Power . . . ] To make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into Execution the foregoing Powers, and all other Powers vested by this Constitution in the Government of the United States, or in any Department or Officer thereof.” U.S. Const. art. I, § 8, cl. 18 (2022). Moreover, legislative authority exists in the Commerce Clause of the Constitution of the United States since recruitment of U.S. Military in the U.S. Department of Defense is interstate. U.S. Const. art. I, § 8, cl. 3 (2022). 

 

Section 001. Cited As.

 

This legislation can be cited as “U.S. Military Masturbation Act”, 69 U.S.C. §§ 000-117 (2023). 

 

Section 100. Masturbation And/Or Consensual, Situational Homosexuality Allowed.

 

All U.S. Military in the U.S. Department of Defense and U.S. Armed Forces shall be allowed to engage in masturbation and/or consensual, situational homosexuality.

 

Section 101. Private Room.

 

Any U.S. freedom fighter who wishes to engage in masturbation and/or consensual, situational homosexuality with another freedom fighter shall notify the Lieutenant in charge to provide free time and access to a private room reserved for this activity. 

 

Section 102. Unavailability of Private Room.

 

If a private room is unavailable, then the U.S. freedom fighter shall be allowed to engage in masturbation and/or consensual, situational homosexuality with another U.S. freedom fighter in the barracks and/or showers. 

 

Section 103. No Disciplinary Action, Reprimand And/Or Dishonorable Discharge For Masturbation And/Or Consensual, Situational Homosexuality.

 

No disciplinary action, reprimand and/or dishonorable discharge shall occur against any U.S. freedom fighter for masturbating and/or engaging in consensual, situational homosexuality with another U.S. freedom fighter.

 

Section 104. Discreet Masculinity Required.

 

Discreet masculinity is required of all U.S. Military despite masturbating and/or engaging in consensual, situational homosexuality with each other to minimize femenine suggestive tendencies. 

 

Section 105. No Inferred Rights, Privileges, Immunities And/Or Benefits

 

Nothing in this chapter shall be inferred to confer any rights, privileges, immunities and/or benefits, neither actually nor constructively to any person or entity except as expressed herein. 

 

Section 106. Reservation of all Rights, Privileges, Immunities And/Or Benefits

 

The Congress of the United States of America reserves all rights, privileges, immunities and/or benefits available at law regarding this legislation. 

 

Section 107. Subsequent Jurisprudence Barred By Political Question Doctrine 

 

Any case and/or controversy arising out of this legislation against any party is barred by political question doctrine. U.S. Const. art. III, § 2, c. 1. 

 

Section 108. Legislative Immunity

 

Any case and/or controversy arising out of this legislation against any member of Congress is barred by the Speech or Debate Clause of the Constitution of the United States of America. U.S. Const. art. I, § 6, c. 1. 

 

Section 109. Federal Preemption

 

This legislation hereby preempts the states and any cases/controversies arising in state government is preempted by the Supremacy Clause of the Constitution of the United States of America. U.S. Const. art. VI, c. 2. 

 

Section 110. Repeal of Old, Previous Legislation

 

Any state and/or federal legislation contrary to this legislation are hereby repealed, disused, voided and rendered invalid. Thus, this legislation shall replace the old, previous legislation that is in full force and effect. 

 

Section 111. Antagonistic Jurisprudence

 

Any antagonistic jurisprudence contrary to this legislation is hereby rendered moot, repealed, disused, voided and rendered invalid. Thus, this legislation shall replace the antagonistic jurisprudence that is in full force and effect.

 

Section 112. Subsequent Legislation

 

Any subsequent legislation, except a duly made amendment to this legislation by concurrence of a majority of each chamber of Congress, is of no valid force and effect. 

 

Sponsored By Rep. Ian A. Medina (D-FL), Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) & Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) : 01/09/2023

 

Passes U.S. House:

 

Passes U.S. Senate:

 

Signed Into Law By President Joseph R. Biden: